Pass the Tampon Please

Well, I have a sixth grader who has a class called Adolescent Studies. Apparently they are learning about becoming an adolescent because our dinner conversations have become rather PG-13.

The other night he told me they were learning about girls so I asked him if he had any questions. That lead to a discussion about tampons. Here's how it works in our family...I give the basic answer and my husband adds the comedy to lighten the mood and take away the embarrassment for all of us.

Tonight my son wanted to know how many times you have to have sex before you get pregnant. He specifically asked how many times we did to which we replied, "Twice." Then he asked if we ever did it just for fun to which my husband replied with a laugh, "If I'm lucky!"

Margin Call

My husband and I watched a new movie last night, Margin Call, which is about the financial crisis and the part that Wall Street played in it. It's definitely worth seeing.
For me it was rather timely on the heels of my recent trip to NYC. Our hotel, the Millenium Hilton, was in the financial district. We were just down the street from the park where the Occupy Wall Street protestors were camping out. A protest against Wall Street and basically how they screwed everyone over.
We were also across the street from the World Trade Center and were able to visit the memorial and see all the new construction going on there. At one point during the movie we paused to talk about how these people on Wall Street could justify what they were doing. These are the types of companies that had offices in the World Trade towers. The types of companies that the terrorists wanted to destroy.
So I guess the sad thing is that this financial crisis was able to happen after the 9/11 attacks. That once all the dust settled, it was back to business as usual.

Rise

Last Thursday I went to New York City for the weekend to celebrate my sister's 50th birthday. If I told you that Friday I was extremely fortunate to spend the morning in an inspirational place, it wouldn't surprise you. If I told you I had to get up at 4:45 a.m. and travel to a middle school in Newark, New Jersey to be inspired, that may surprise you. It certainly surprised me.

My nephew is in his first year of teaching fifth grade History at Rise Academy, a KIPP (Knowledge is Power Program) charter school in Newark, and the place I visited last Friday morning. It was especially insightful for me having two children of my own that are around the same age as his students.
To give you some background, Rise Academy's population is 91% African American and 9% Latino. 91% of the students are eligible for free/reduced meals. While Rise Academy is part of the public school system, it is a charter school and students are eligible to attend by lottery. They are in a community where high school graduation rates are low and college acceptance rates even lower. These are things that I take for granted given the environment I grew up in and the one my children are growing up in.

We arrived at the school early so we were able to get a tour of the building. Each floor is designated to a grade (fifth through eighth) and instead of being referred to as the grade they are in, they are known by the year they will graduate high school. That means that my nephew is teaching the Class of 2019.
The walls throughout the building are decorated with displays meant to inspire and serve as a constant reminder of the goals of the school. One of the things that struck me most was the emphasis on college. There was a display in the hallway showing pictures of all the colleges that staff members have attended...Syracuse, Yale, Brown, Ohio State, Marquette, Illinois, Cornell to name a few. In the math room, there are pennants hanging from each of the colleges. For many of these students, this may be the only place where college is even talked about. It may be the first time it was presented to them as an opportunity for their future.
During our tour we saw the gym, or what my friend Angela would refer to as the "cafegymatorium". I asked my nephew if the kids have a regular gym class. He said they have it once a week and the teachers rotate who will run it. So I followed up by asking if they had any music or art. He told me that many of these students are coming from public schools and are performing way below grade level. Their goal at this point is to get them up to grade level academically so their focus is on core curriculum.

As it got closer to the beginning of the school day, we observed the staff have their morning meeting in preparation for the day. Think of the staff of teachers at your child's school or the school you attended. Now imagine what it would be like if the staff was all young, energetic, and enthusiastic. What if they were all excited about the idea of making a difference? What if they were all in agreement on the best way to do that and as your child moved from class to class and grade to grade, there was a consistent message? What if these messages were so important that they were printed on the back of the uniforms? Uniforms that the students have to earn through behavior and performance. Messages like: "Work hard. Be nice."

It sounds too good to be true, but it is and it is working. I was stunned when I saw the students come into their first period, which is called advisory (like home room) and were completely silent. They got to their desks, took out their work, and spoke only when the teacher addressed them. They were called up individually to check in their homework assignments and then returned to their desks to take a daily math test.

I noticed that some students had brought in breakfast from the school food program. This is another area where this school is committed to their students. They know that providing them with healthy food options is the best way to fuel their bodies so they have partnered with Revolution Foods who serves high quality, fresh and healthy food to schools.

For the remainder of the morning, we were in my nephew's classroom where he began to teach the first of his three sections. The students were to sit up straight with hands folded in front of them on their desks and eyes on the teacher. They had respect for their teacher, classroom, and classmates. I was surprised to see how my nephew commanded authority, but was also able to have fun with the students. A great balance. A great teacher. One that is making a difference.

I left the school feeling hopeful, inspired, and extremely proud of the work that my nephew is doing.

My New Favorite Greeting Card

There's nothing better than finding the perfect greeting card for someone. My dad used to have piles of them in his office and he'd give one to every employee on their birthday with some cash. He always managed to find one suited to the recipient.

Lately, I've noticed that some of the best cards are found in rather unexpected places. I just found one while waiting in line at the post office. Fed Ex Office also has a couple of good ones as well as the Waukesha Memorial Hospital gift shop.

The only thing better than finding the perfect greeting card to give to someone, is to be on the receiving end of one. That is what happened to me this evening. What makes it all the more special is that mine was original and handmade. Sometimes Hallmark just can't catch the sentiment. Please enjoy the card my daughter bestowed upon me.

Old, Stupid, and Sober

Well, it's Summerfest time here in Milwaukee. World's Largest Music Festival. I have a lot of really great memories of Summerfest (and just as many nights I hardly remember.) We haven't been for several years and now I know why. I'm done with Summerfest. That ship has sailed. It's a young persons game...or equally as fun for people my age who still like getting hammered and being obnoxious no matter how much it costs them. (For the record it costs $15 for parking; $15 for entry; and $6.50 a beer.)

What seemed like a good idea at the onset quickly turned sour and against my better judgement, I refused to pay attention to the clues right in front of me. I heard Hall and Oates were performing and thought they'd be at the Marcus Ampitheater. Upon further investigation, they were playing one of the other stages on opening night (clues #1 and #2.) I booked a babysitter with start time to be determined at a later date.

As the night got closer, I looked at the schedule to find the show didn't start until 10:15 p.m. (clue #3.) In addition, my son had a baseball game that was rescheduled for the same night. My husband and I were trying to figure out how to approach the whole thing and after looking at the bands playing earlier in the evening (none of which we wanted to see) we decided to head downtown after my son's baseball game at 8:00 p.m. (clue #4.)

Did I forget to mention that my husband was going because I wanted to? (For those of you who know him...clue #5.) Knowing that the stage was at the south end of the park, we of course parked at the north end in a lot close to the festival grounds (clue #6.) After getting in separate lines for entrance, one for women and one for men, we made our trek from the north end to the south end. Imagine walking through the crowds of people who have been there all day, or at least earlier than 8:30 p.m. (clue #7.) As we're getting closer to the stage, my husband is looking for a beer tent that serves Miller High Life. None were to be found and as he's ordering his Miller Genuine Draft in the plastic bottle, he is left regretting not stopping for the Blue Moon beer he saw a ways back (clue #8). (Did I mention my husband didn't really want to go in the first place?)

Now we are finally at our destination and a local band called Streetlife is butchering some cover tunes as I'm trying to weave my way up close, sensing that my husband is fine back further. I notice that unlike many of the stages we passed, this one does not have big screens to project what's happening on stage (clue #9.) So we settle on a spot and wait for the hour until Hall and Oates is set to start.

If I'm to find a silver lining, we did get to see the fireworks. Once those are over, the area begins to fill in and a group of incredibly obnoxious women set up camp right next to us as well as a tall man directly in front of me. After a bit, I grab my husbands arm and we move down a ways where there is a less obnoxious group of people.

Finally the show starts and they're playing all their hits and they sound great. While the conditions for seeing a show you are really interested in aren't great, I'm trying to make the most of it. After about 55 minutes, Darryl Hall says something like, "Thanks Milwaukee, we love you!" and walks off stage (clue #10.) At which time I think to myself that this has got to be some kind of joke. They want an encore after 55 minutes?

A few minutes later they walk back on stage, but by this point, I'm as pissed off as my husband has been all night and it's time to go home. The last thing I want to do is wait until the end of the show, fight the crowds to walk all the way back to our car, and then try to drive home in traffic and construction. So we walk back from the south end to the north end and my back is killing me from standing in one spot in my less than comfortable and supportive Converse shoes. (I'm sure the tension of the evening didn't help either.) And the whole way I am asking my husband what I was thinking and blaming him for not being the ying to my yang. Why was he not the voice of reason? To which he replies he's never liked Summerfest and maybe isn't really that big of a music fan either (clue #11 and final clue.)

Thus ends our big night out at Summerfest (or as my brother aptly refers to it...Bummerfest.) After talking to my sister-in-law about it, she came up for the perfect title to sum up my evening, "Old, Stupid, and Sober."

Forever

Over spring break I took the kids to visit my mom in Florida. In one of the closets I discovered a book my niece had left there the week before. It was the Judy Blume teen classic, "Forever".

A few things about Judy Blume. As a young girl, I enjoyed her book, "Are You There God It's Me Margaret" which was a humorous look at puberty. However, as a mother I am still angry at her for ruining Christmas by causing my daughter to doubt the existence of Santa Claus in "Superfudge". So it's safe to say that Judy Blume's books can touch on subjects that are somewhat sensitive.

"Forever" is no different. For those of you not familiar with this book, it was big when I was in high school and is all about a high school girl who gets a boyfriend and loses her virginity. I was forbidden to read it by my mother. I don't know that she ever read it herself, but she heard about it from someone else and wouldn't let me read it. I'm not sure if my mom still forbids me to read it, but I did anyway. My first reaction was that my mom was right and that I would never let my daughter read it either. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that compared to what teenagers now are exposed to on television, music, school, movies, and other books they are reading, it's probably not that bad.

On the heels of my human growth and development breakthrough, I realize that once again, avoiding topics that are uncomfortable to talk about is not a good way to deal with your children. So, when the time comes, if my daughter wants to read the book and I think she is old enough, I will let her. It may actually provide an opportunity for us to have a good discussion.

Growth and Development

I can remember one day when my kids were little and we were playing in the back and I was having a rough time coping with them. My neighbor two doors down was in her backyard as well. She has three kids and at the time the two oldest were teenagers. I looked at her exasperated and I will never forget what she said to me. As a parenting veteran she said what I was going through was easier than I thought and I shouldn't get too worked up about it. She told me, "Bigger kids, bigger problems."

I think about that often as my kids are getting older. When you decide to have kids (or at least when I did) I never really had a solid plan for getting them through the eighteen years they would be living with me. So far, I've managed to avoid the areas I'm not good at, uncomfortable about, or completely unprepared for. However, I do realize that avoidance is really not a productive parenting method.

So, last week I was confronted with my first real test. I got the letter home from school announcing that my son will be starting his human growth and development program at the beginning of May. Ugh!

I have just returned from the library with all sorts of books about puberty, the growing body, and (gulp) sex organs. Is it just me, or is everyone completely uncomfortable talking about this with their kids? (I suppose it's no less uncomfortable than to be on the kids' end of the discussion.)

One author writes about teaching a puberty class and in order to help minimize the laughter and snickering, she encourages the students to yell out the slang terms for sex organs which she lists on the blackboard. Is it a bad sign that there are slang terms on the list that I have never heard of?

So my plan is to brush up on my slang, and all other matters that pertain to human growth and development. Maybe that will help lessen the embarrassment for both parties as we embark upon the discussions that are ahead of us. Wish me luck!

Game Shows

Growing up, I loved watching game shows. My favorite by far was The Price is Right. At night while in bed, my sister and I would play higher/lower. One of us (the Bob Barker) would pick an item in the room and think of how much we thought it cost. Then other other one (the contestant) would have to guess the price. "Bob Barker" would give higher/lower clues until "the contestant" said the exact amount.

We had a pinball machine in our basement. I would play a whole Price is Right scenario by myself using the pinball machine. Certain point totals would equate to wonderful prizes...the highest being, of course, a brand new car.

This week I've been getting a huge dose of game shows again. My son has been home with strep throat and has spent a good amount of time on the couch with the Game Show Network. While there are some new ones, I still get a kick out of the old reruns of Match Game and The Family Feud.


The best part of my week by far was the game show that was played in honor of my birthday. My daughter put a lot of time and effort into creating the "Do You Know Your Mary?" game show and board. My husband and son were the contestants and my daughter was the host. It was reminiscent of The Newlywed Game and the contestants were asked questions about me and had to write their answers on an index card. I would write the correct answer on my index card and whoever guessed correctly got a point.

Scores were kept on the score cards taped to the metal pole in the basement. My daughter accidentally misspelled loser as losser. At the end of the game, my husband was the losser. Needless to say, I was the big winner.

How Do You Grieve the Loss of Your Dad?

That's the big question. In my case, I kept myself incredibly busy and tricked my mind into thinking that he was just in Florida for the winter. Anytime I need to talk to him, I call when I know my mom isn't home so I get the answering machine with his voice on it.

When I began to get heart palpitations my husband told me that it's probably stress. But given that my dad just died from complications of his heart, I decided to see the doctor. While my heart seems to be okay (other than a bit broken), my doctor discovered that my liver enzymes are elevated. After a bunch of blood work, an abdominal ultrasound, and a consultation with a gastroenterologist, it was determined that I have a fatty liver and need to go on a diet to lose the 8 pounds I've gained in the 5 months since my dad died.

I was talking to a good friend about everything and she said when her life was in chaos she did the same thing...kept herself busy, kept all the balls in the air. A counselor finally told her that eventually you have to let the balls drop. So I guess my body is telling me that I better let the balls drop. I need to face the fact that my dad is gone, and he's not in Florida, and he's not coming back.

This is all fine and good and very cerebral, but I guess I'm not sure exactly what it means to grieve. The more I think about it, the more I realize I need to come to terms with what it is that I lost. If my dad were here he would say, "Make a list." So I did. I made a list of the things I lost when my dad died.

Someone who loved me...no matter what.
Someone who has always known me.
Someone who made me feel safe.
Someone who would do anything for me.
Someone who always was happy to talk to me or see me.
Someone who taught me.
Someone who gave me advice.
Someone who encouraged me.
Someone who cared for me and took care of me.

When I look at this list I know that I still have people in my life who do these things for me. So I guess the real loss is his physical presence, his enthusiasm, his positive attitude, his hearty greetings, his big smile, his strong embrace. The things that made him who he was. The things that made him special to me.

Being a Kid Again

I will preface this blog entry by telling you a few things. First of all, my son is eleven years old and in the fifth grade. Second of all, he has a hot young teacher (her second full year) with an interesting resume...including a hairdresser for a funeral home. Since we all know that 1 + 2 = 3, the third thing is that my son has a crush on his teacher.

On the way to school this morning, he asked me if I ever wish I could be a kid again. I thought that was an interesting question, but I answered that I really didn't. He asked why and I responded, "been there, done that." He wanted to know what I meant and I let him know that while there are certain things about being a kid that are great, I didn't really want to be one again.

He went on to tell me how his teacher still acts like a kid. She has a young son and does everything with him. One night she apparently woke him up at 11:00 to take him sledding on a newly fallen snow. Many times she will join my son's class in games during gym or at recess. She used to play competitive soccer and also coaches a gymnastic team.

So I wondered to myself, what was my son really asking me? Why I'm not as cool as his teacher? I know that's not it, because no matter how cool I was, I'm his mom so he still wouldn't think I am. But I am considering that I may need to loosen up a bit and have more fun. Play with him more or at least be a little more playful. Afterall, we just got the letter about middle school orientation next month, so playtime with my son may be running out.

School's In Session

My kids are a bit unusual. My son never liked trains, cars, or legos. He has always been about sports. He plays them, watches them, reads about them, and is obsessed with video games about them.

My daughter never liked Barbies or baby dolls. She has always loved stuffed animals and I do believe that she thinks they are real. She also likes to play school and reminds me of my sister in that way.

When my sister and I were younger and we played school, the other students in our pretend class had names like Trixie Belden and Nancy Drew. The funny thing is that my daughter uses my sister's Nancy Drew books as some of her "student's" desks when she plays school.

This is the full class at their desks

Here are close ups of each row. Notice their names on their
desks along with their desk number.

Are they not the smartest bunch of stuffed characters you have ever seen?

New Year Nugget

A happy new year to you all. I know it's been a while, and I don't really have any insights or words of wisdom for the new year...yet.

What I do have to share is a little nugget I discovered after ringing in the new year. While lying wide awake in bed at about 2 a.m., I was scanning the dial and found a program I had never seen before. I'm still investigating what it's all about, but I'll let you know what I know thus far because it's definitely worth checking out for yourself.

If you are a fan of Hall and Oates, and quite frankly how can you not be, Daryl Hall (the blonde half of the duo) has a show that I believe is a free webcast. It's called Live from Daryl's House and basically each episode features him jamming with a different artist at his home studio outside of New York City. He's got a full band, backup singers, and a camera crew. In-between songs, they feature some local cook who comes and prepares food for everyone.

So far I've watched parts of the episodes with Todd Rundgren, Sharon Jones, and Train. They sing some of Hall and Oates songs, some of the featured guests songs, or a couple of others. I guess I always thought of Daryl Hall as a good song writer with some great pop songs, but he's really more than that. His songs can be sung by a variety of artists and they all sound good. Really good. And he can belt out tunes in a variety of genres and he always sounds good. Really good.