Lifelong Friends

Laotongs in China with bound feet

I just finished reading another book by Lisa See called Snow Flower and the Secret Fan. Once again set in China, this time taking place from 1823 - 1903. One of the main themes of this book was the lifelong arranged friendship between two girls starting from the time they were 6. It was a union that had as much ritual and circumstance as an arranged marriage and was made by a matchmaker.

Because the rules of arranged marriages did not allow girls to meet their future husbands until their wedding day, the emotional void was filled with special friendships with other females. Some girls were paired with laotongs or “old sames.” Though such pairings had the trappings of arranged marriages, the girls were allowed to build friendships that could last a lifetime. Not surprisingly, when the girls eventually married, they often enjoyed a stronger bond with their laotongs than they ever could with their husbands.

Jane & Elizabeth Bennet

When I was finished with the book I was flicking through the channels and Pride and Prejudice was on. The book by Jane Austen was published in 1813 and set in England. I began to think of the similarities between Lily (Snow Flower and the Secret Fan) and Elizabeth Bennet (Pride and Prejudice). Neither of them were seen as being worth as much as a man and both of their futures and that of their families depended upon on how well they married. Pride and Prejudice also has a strong theme of friendship among women. In Elizabeth Bennet's case her "laotong" may have been her sister Jane. Equally important was her friendship with Charlotte Lucas.

Charlotte, Carrie, Samantha, and Miranda

Speaking of Charlotte...fast forward to New York City, twenty-first century, Sex and the City. The reason so many women were infatuated with the show (fashion aside) was it's depiction of the friendship between women.

I think all women have their own "laotong", a lifelong friend who knows you better than you know yourself and loves you no matter what. Some of us may be lucky enough to have more than one.