My son's first day of preschool at three years old he cried. He wasn't familiar with the school, didn't know the teachers or any of the kids. He didn't want to go. I convinced myself that they were professionals and he was in good hands. Once I left and he got involved he'd be fine. It took a couple of mornings before I could leave without him clinging to me.
He was in preschool for two years so I thought when he got to kindergarten it would be better. After all, he got to meet the teacher and see his class ahead of time. He knew some of the kids in the class, and he was two years older. I was not prepared for him to look back at me as he slowly ascended the stairs to his classroom on that first morning. The look on his face was begging me to scoop him up and tell him it was all a joke and he didn't have to go in. Once again...I convinced myself he was going to be well taken care of. While he was never thrilled to go to school, eventually the routine set in and he became used to his new normal.
That Halloween I asked my son what he wanted to be and he decided on a cookie so I hand painted a piece of cardboard and voila...he became a little Oreo. I specifically remember taking this picture and thinking to myself, it's the first time he's walking away from me with some confidence and asserting his independence as he headed down the block with purpose seeking out candy. I've thought of this photos so many times this last year as he is preparing to go off to college.
Tomorrow we drive our son five hours away to a new city and a school neither of us attended. Having said that, I feel he will be in the right place, but all I can think of is what if he feels the same way he did that first day of preschool and kindergarten? I can assure myself he is with professionals and once he gets involved and into a routine he will be fine but I would be lying if I said that leaving my son in his dorm and returning home doesn't have me filled with anxiety.
My hope is that after all these years he will be more like that Oreo cookie who walked away from me with confidence in his new found independence and excitement for what he is walking towards.
