Silent and Thankless

I remember when I was a teenager and my mom asked me why I wasn't hanging out with a particular friend anymore and I told her we had a falling out. She said that she was glad because she didn't think she had been a good friend to me. When I asked her why she never said anything my mom told me it was really difficult not to get involved, but that she had to trust that I would eventually figure it out for myself.

That is a perfect example of the type of mom she is. She silently and thanklessly has been running the show and keeping our family going for over fifty years. My whole life my dad worked really hard to build a successful business and like many men of his generation, he wasn't around all the time. I think because of this, my siblings and I vied like crazy for his attention. Having to share him with two brothers and a sister meant his limited time was really cherished. All the while, my stay-at-home mom was always there. We never vied for her attention because it was so readily available.

Being a stay-at-home mom with four kids and a workaholic husband could not have been easy. Once when she got so overwhelmed she locked herself in the bathroom. We yelled at her through the door and when she didn't respond, we passed her notes under the door. She thought it might help to get out of the house so she tried to go to work for the family business. She spent most of the day on the phone with us as we called in constantly asking for things or complaining about each other. After one day she said it wasn't worth it. I can't say that we intentionally sabotaged her career plans, but I'm sure we were all too happy to have her back at home with us, making our meals and refereeing our fights.

The first time I realized how great my mom is was when I went to college and I no longer had someone silently and thanklessly doing so much for me. The second time I realized how great my mom is was when I had my own children. There's no performance review. There's no way to know whether or not you're doing a good job. The third time I realized how great my mom is was on Monday when I went with her to the hospital to get information on her hip surgery.

In 1998 my dad had valve replacement surgery. Until then he had been an incredibly healthy person, rarely getting sick and never missing work. Since that first surgery until he died in 2010, he was never quite as healthy and my mom silently and thanklessly was responsible for attending to all his healthcare needs.

Now, for the first time in her 77 years, my mom is going to have surgery. Now, for the first time in over fifty years of being the caretaker, she is the one who needs to be taken care of. Now, for the first time in forty-five years of life, I am responsible for my mom's well-being. Now, I don't have her to be the silent and thankless rock that holds our family together, but just like when I was a teenager, she will have to trust that I will figure it out. How can I not? She has been my example.