A Series of Firsts

It occurred to me on my walk this morning that life is defined by a series of firsts. When you're young, it's your first friend, your first kiss, your first job. When you become a parent it's the first tooth, the first word, the first step.

Yesterday was a series of firsts of a different kind. It was our first holiday without my dad. It was the first time my mom did the shopping to stock the bar, it was the first time my brother carved the turkey, and it was the first time someone else occupied the seat at the head of the table. It was the first time I truly felt the emptiness that a loss like this brings and it kept me awake most of the night.

This morning I was talking to my son about starting middle school next year which I know he is nervous about. We talked about how neither of us is entirely thrilled about change but agreed that once you get passed that first day of school, it only gets better. I realized that the same is true about my dad being gone. It's all the series of firsts that we have to get through before it will begin to get any better.