Fifty Years

Yesterday my parents celebrated their 50th Wedding Anniversary...on their actual anniversary. We had a big party with family and friends traveling from all over the United States. It was a wonderful night.

As a gift to my parents, my brother and his wife had two actors perform a dialogue written especially for the occasion by a playwright. It was funny, insightful, and touching. Something they said really spoke to what I feel made my parents marriage last all these years and what I strive for in my own,

Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.

If you asked my parents what makes a good marriage, I think they would answer simply, commitment. Eleven years ago my dad had heart surgery. While we were all gathered in the waiting room my mom had his wedding ring in her hand. She said it was the first time he'd ever taken it off. In 40 years of marriage his wedding ring never left his finger.

Another line in last night's performance really sums up commitment,

One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him...or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall back in again. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

There are definitely times in a marriage when you don't like the other person very much. When you get through those, you find moments you are so filled with love you can't imagine feeling any other way.

Like when my daughter steals away into the kitchen late at night and my husband doesn't send her back to bed right away as I would...he sits with her, feeds her a little snack, and talks with her about baseball, the bible, or "Fiddler on the Roof". When, after a conversation with our son riding home in the car, he stays up and looks in a reference book for the answer to the question they've been discussing and leaves the book on the breakfast table awaiting our son in the morning. Or after a hectic couple of weeks, he knows that a little break on a Sunday afternoon is just what I need to regenerate, so he takes the kids golfing and makes dinner.

For me, it's not the big gestures that make me love my husband or make our marriage work. It's the small moments. The times when he probably doesn't even know I'm watching that I fall in love with him over and over again. It's those moments which, over time, accumulate to a make a marriage that lasts fifty years.

Balance

Anyone who knows me well knows that I am on a constant quest to improve my lifestyle...which is another way of saying I try all kinds of diets. Here's the thing – I don't like to exercise and I LOVE all things sweet. I want to eat what I want, when I want, and as much as I want with no consequences. The problem with all these diets is that they say it's a lifestyle change. I get that...I just don't like the lifestyles that they are selling.

Recently I've begun to read my latest lifestyle book French Women Don't Get Fat. This is actually a lifestyle I dream of having. (Afterall, I am one quarter French – although it's the one half German that I seem to struggle with.) I wish I lived in a Parisian village where I could walk or bike everywhere. I long for fresh produce stands and patisseries on every corner. If I had a yard to plant nut trees and extensive gardens and had the means for a gardener, it would already be done. I want to sit and have a leisurely meal and take my time tasting and enjoying every bite. But most of all, I wish I could enjoy a glass or two of wine with my dinner and not have a complete sinus attack.

As with all my other books, I'm giving this one a try. I've been getting up in the mornings and going on walks, which I actually really love doing this time of year. It gives me a chance to clear my head and get the day off to an early start. On one of my walks this last week it finally struck me what all these lifestyle books do have in common. It's really a matter of finding balance in your life. You'd think that as a wife and a mother I'd already have this down – the old juggling analogy. But that's the thing about balance...it's a constant battle to reach equilibrium.

American Beauty

Our American Beauty in bloom

Have you ever received a gift that was so great you wished you'd have thought of it? When our daughter was born, my sister-in-law gave us an American Beauty rose bush. It has turned out to be one of the best gifts ever.

It sits on the side of the house under the kitchen bay window. My daughter sits right above it and can keep an eye on it's progress throughout the spring and summer. I can say this because the beauty of this American Beauty is that it continues to bloom for months. The most lucious pink flowers. It's so gorgeous that even my neighbor took a picture of it.

I love that it is a gift that keeps on giving and is always a reminder of my daughter. Some day she will grow up and move away, but the American Beauty will remain.

Passion for Penguins

It's a well known fact that my daughter loves everything penguin. She has quite the stuffed animal collection and it has spilled into other things like a watch, necklace, and socks.

That, in and of itself, is not a big deal. Many people collect things. The thing that is completely hilarious about my daughter's love of penguins is how she treats them as if they are actually real and members of our family in full standing.

And it's not just her. She has somehow convinced the kids at school and in the neighborhood that they are real as well. When she speaks on behalf of the penguins she uses a special voice (which, as a side note, is extremely annoying.) Just today I heard the neighbor boy (who just finished the 5th grade) talking to the newest addition...a webkinz named Nimble.

The original penguin is Piplup or Pip for short. One day last year, as my daughter bounded onto the playground with penguin in hand, her classmate greeted her, "Hi Irene. Hi Piplup!" It struck me how funny that sounded.

I must be immune to Piplup's appeal, as I am around him all the time. However, there are some adults who I think are very smitten with him. Or maybe they are just charmed by my daughter's undying devotion to all things penguin.

Sketch of Piplup by K. Azada

Cast of Characters

If you enjoy a little people watching, there may be no better venue than the rummage sale. What makes it even more fascinating is the ability to actually interact with the players.

Over the weekend I participated in our neighborhood's annual rummage sale. Let me tell you, this year's lot was just as interesting as any other. I will now describe for you the cast of characters that made an appearance at my sale:

Early Bird: The advertised time for the rummage sale is 8 a.m. - 4 p.m. I began setting up at 7:00 and by 7:15 I had my first shopper. He was on his way to work and needed to get an early start. I only had a few items out so this early bird got no worms.

High Octane: This shopper got up early, had a double shot of espresso, and planned her route. While I was adding up one person's purchases, the high octane shopper took it upon herself to count up her purchases and leave the cash on the table. She was not going to wait her turn. She had already sent her husband on to the next house and she needed to catch up.

Diva: She may have been new to the rummage circuit. I'm guessing her family may have unexpectedly fell on hard times due to the economy and this boutique shopper was forced to shop discount. The diva saw a skirt she liked and asked if I had it in any other sizes. The diva was by far my favorite.

Monty Hall: This one is going to make a deal no matter what. I only have my rummage sale for one day. I close it up in time to pick my kids up from school, so by the afternoon everything is 50% off. Every year without fail, Monty Hall shows up at my house wheeling and dealing on the stuff that I'm already practically giving away. While all the others amuse me, this one pisses me off.

Every year as I'm preparing, I vow that it will be my last. But when it's all said and done, I make a pretty nice haul and in the end, it's a rather enjoyable way to spend a spring day.

The Little Red Hen

Last summer we visited my sister in Green Bay. She has this amazing garden that is so beautifully manicured and tended. It is a little fenced off section on the side of her house and my daughter loved opening the gate and walking up and down the rows sampling the bounty.

We talked about having a garden at our house and decided it would be a good birthday present for our daughter. So we called our friend who built us these amazing garden boxes trimmed at the top in a way that she could sit on the edge to tend to her plants.

For her birthday she received plants, seeds, gardening books, garden ornaments, and a kneeling pad. When she asked my sister what the kneeling pad was for, she was shocked to discover that weeding was a part of gardening.

On Memorial Day, she and I set out to plant the garden. I really thought she would enjoy it. And she may have, except that all the neighborhood kids had congregated in the backyard 3 houses down. While we were working on her boxes we could hear them having a great time. So after much begging, I let her join the others and I finished planting her garden.

That's when it finally occurred to me...she doesn't actually want to garden, she just wants a garden. A garden that I will plant, weed, and tend...and she will eat.

When I told this to my mother-in-law, she said there's a story about that called The Little Red Hen. I know that story. The funny thing is – so does my daughter. It's one of her favorites.